In terms of school work and coming to exams, I'm lost. Contract, SLS, Torts (after the mid term test the rest of the topics I'm totally unfamiliar with the cases). LAWR is quite doomed too cos next week we have the oral presentation and while there is an outline for what we're going to present, of course the concrete presentation isn't there.

So let's look at something else other than school work that perhaps I'm not so screwed in.

I had a dream last night. I'm still unsure as whether to classify dreams as a foretelling of the future or some part of my subconsciousness. Perhaps they're both. Anyway, I have come to a conclusion about that dream. Either I've decided (subconsciously or not) to place a little lock on the memories/expectations and keep it away OR I've decided to be greedy. Seriously, I don't like the first option because I'm feeling sadistic and would like to feel that little ache-y feeling of the unattainable.

If it was unattainable in the past during the first situation, I would say that it is impossible now in the second situation.
To play with words and be as annoying as the law is about specific distintions in words, I think it should be seen like where there was once 20 % chance, there's a mere 1 % chance. Or none. (Reminds me of those 'lack of chance' cases dammit get out of my head, law)

But I've gone and done it this time. Reaching too high.

I don't know when it first struck me. But I do know that I'm not completely sure myself if that's what I really feel. So I guess it's just nice to enjoy what's present in the moment.

Come on the Chels! We go to Spain and play Barca on Wed morning. I'm crossing my fingers.

Sorry I haven't blogged in such a long time. (Or rather a week is it? Can't remember)

Anyway, I hate the library. I hate doing research. I hate LAWR. I hate Binder. I hate presentations.

I love my groupmates. They're very nice in putting up with me because I'm slow and I need to stop them and clarify every single thing. If I had me as a groupmate I'll get freaking irritated. So thank you Nat and Dennis. You guys rock for putting up with me. If I ever get to be a judge, I think I'm the one that says "I CONCUR". *snorts*

Did I blog about Chelsea scores? Aiyo. How could I not?

Chelsea 1-0 Barcelona (Champions League)
Blackburn 0-2 Chelsea (Carling)
Sheffield United 0-2 Chelsea (Premiership)

My only complain is that Chelsea actually could have scored more considering the amount of chances they had.

Again, piano is wonderfully long, cab fares are wonderfully high, church people make me feel wonderfully happy, and weekends are wonderful wonderful.

IL DIVO IS COMING TO SINGAPORE ON JAN 18. WHOEVER WANTS TO GO BETTER ASK ME. SO I'M ASKING -- WHO WANTS TO GO (tickets a bit the ex though)

AMK DRAMA PRODUCTION 9 DEC GOOOOOOOOOOO FOR IT BECAUSE IT'LL CHANGE YOUR LIFE. =) More deets later and I shall be promoting it shamelessly.

Cell was a timely reminder to me.

I admit my faith had been shaken.
But now I know that my faith was placed in the tangible, in the world.
My faith should be placed in the word of the Lord.
And it's true, let the joy of the Lord be my strength.

I know life isn't easy, but God fills the void. I need to remember that God has His plan for me, I will never know it completely, why He does certain things or allows other things to happen, but I do know that He has a purpose in all He does.

He WILL provide. He is my comfort and my strength. If only I had turned to His word earlier. Thank you Lord for helping me realise that You will never forsake me. Let Your will be my will.

I love You Lord, You're everything to me.
Everything this world can never be.

Ignore my words at the end of the previous post. It's too difficult to believe in when you're getting back crappy results.

On one hand I feel very don't carish about the whole thing, even a semblance of defeat and wanting to give up.
On the other, there's nothing to be said other than press on and doing my best.

Let the joy of the Lord be my strength? Hard to do so when you're struggling so hard. Praying seems abstract and almost basking on the point of not facing up to reality when it was first raised and my initial thought was to cry out to the Lord for not acknowledging the effort I put in. On hindsight, I see nothing more than a lack of strong faith. I know disappointments put a brake on plans, worries the natural worrier but at the end of the day, comfort always comes in the name of the Lord.

Do I truly believe that? Or is it merely a form of self-comforting?

In the face of my cell group, the community that I treasure so much, I can say I truly believe. But when I'm alone and tossing in bed trying to sleep, I know sometimes it's the latter. So what does this say about my faith? All I can conclude is that I'm a growing Christian, one that stumbles and falls and hopefully picks herself up and tries again.

Time passes really fast. I can hardly believe that I've lived through 8 weeks of school. 5 more plus exams to go! Even though I'm not looking forward to holing myself up to study I can't help looking forward to the holidays because I've got so many worthwhile things to do!

Church Camp! I must admit that even though I still have reservations about the time I can commit to the camp in the planning stages, the Core group's enthusiasm and general fire/energy is contagious. I feel so proud that I'm in the Camp Committee because when I look back this year I can thank God for allowing me to serve Him.

So saying that, I would like to extend an invitation to all my friends to consider coming for this camp. 14-17 Dec. It's in Singapore. You can come part time and it's free for those we invite. I experienced God's presence so deeply last year. Even though I initially didn't want to go, He opened my heart to see.

I will be starting my research project tomorrow. There's this ball of anxiety in me, that I don't know how to do certain things (most of them) and law always makes me feel lost and hopeless but here's where the Lord has blessed me again. I got a research group that I know I can work with, it's only for the next 3 plus weeks so just piah. I'm listening to "Before the throne of God above" and I'm tearing. Not because I'm worried or stressed, I know at the end of the day God will bring me through this. I'm simply too awed by His love for us.

My QT said that we will experience disappointments so that we can experience God's comfort. While a part of me refuses to accept that, without Law and it's ability to make me feel stupid, God would merely be someone I call on when I need help. He's more than that. He's our Father. Now I have a relationship with Him, rather than someone on call. From J2 to Law, my walk with Him just continues to grow and that amazes me. I hope I never stop growing with Him.

Everyone around me has been busy and sometimes I struggle to keep on with the friendships I know are important. I may not see you guys very often but know that I keep you in Prayer. I'm thankful for each and every one of you. I see my church friends every week but during the weekdays I still pray for them and miss them very much.

My sporadic posts may be because I like to post on my lifejournal sometimes. It's chris-tine87.livejournal.com and I like their icons so that probably explains it.

Chelsea wise, Reading 0-1 Chelsea thanks to an Own Goal. Unfortunately our 2 goalkeepers, Cech and Cudicini have both been injured and are in doubt for the visit of Barcelona in a couple of days. Chelsea have the same points as United but are second because they don't have as many goals as United. Terry had to play keeper in place of Cudicini. Eh, Alpha you still say it was Lamps? Tell me wrong thing!

My sister is choosing JCs to go to. I feel like pushing VJ to her even though I know it's far for her. I went back on Friday and had lunch at Parkway with Ms Edna Tan (ex but she paid how nice is that!). Yeah weird, but in a way, strangely friend-like. VJ has given me so much, PE there was lovely in comparison to SN, the PE teachers were encouraging and in particularly, Mr Seet, who gave me the confidence to do well in sports. Ms Goh, who told me I'm a worrywart, who looked out for me in general. Ms Tan who pushed us so hard in PW so we could get that A.

This week, it just seemed that I was constantly reminded of how much I have, I may complain that I don't have this don't have that, but if you really think about it, I really have been blessed. In everything, God is in control and He has a plan for us.

So what if my Closed Memo doesn't do well? Oh I guess I can mourn for a day. =)
So what if Chelsea lose to Barcelona in the CL? Oh it's only the group stages. =)
So what if I feel lost in Law? God will provide. =)

I had my torts test on Friday. And after that, my brain just started hurting and my hands were shaking from trying to write so fast in 1 hour. I was an ex-history student and therefore ashamed at my inability to regain my nice fast cursive which saw me through the A levels. People keep asking me what tort is, they think it's a short form like SLS or LAWR. But it's not, it's just some stupid civil liability, eg. negligence, trepass, defamation.

I honestly didn't study very much for it this week, because I was so tired of studying for it during the Mid-sem break (not that I was doing that much cos most of the time was spent reading Chelsea books hahaha) but how many times can you read the cases? Page v Smith. Dulieu v White. Both nervous shock cases. I tell you during the test (open book) I got the two mixed up so I wrote Page v White. Haha. Then I realised it before we handed up and scribbled the right case name. Open book but no point bringing like the full cases in because there's simply no time to flip through!

Wanted so badly to go for drinks after that but decided to save money, had prata with Benita and went to visit Clara at Icekimo! Drinks another day I guess? Haha, Clara always works Fridays for which I am annoyeddddddd.

Youtubing Westlife's New Single THE ROSE. Wahaaaaaaaaaaa. Mark has a beard! Like Esta says, "I don't trust men with beards" I wonder what she'll say when she knows he has a beard now. Men in suits are hot. (NOT HWEE'S WETSUITS ) Their new album will be out this november I think, end. If they come to Singapore, I will go again haha.

The haze is so bad cos it makes my eyes dry and my skin itch. I'm constantly afraid my asthma will come back. Have not ran outside for really long now because I can't breathe properly when running through the haze. It's freaking scary.

I will be quite busy soon I think. Admin stuff for camp will start because of registration and my research project for LAWR promises to be life threatening.

No Chelsea this week because of Internationals. Sheva has a fever. Poor boy. Hope Joe Cole recovers by next week because I miss seeing his name in the starting lineup.

I'm going to enjoy the weekend because I say so.

So tired of school. The mid-term break didn't really refresh me, all it did was make me yearn for the end of year break which means I have to get through 7 weeks of school and end of years. I feel that going through the motions and getting all routine-like is sick, I don't want to go through school like that. I know my actions- how I act and react to situations can be an indication of how deeply I walk with God and how 'christian' I am. I don't want people saying that because I break down and what not that I'm not a good Christian or something like that.

God has brought me through the first half of the semester. He will bring me through the rest of my University life. I need more confidence. I need to turn a blind eye to my environment around me because I feel my confidence crumbling in the face of all that's thrown at me. You think what you're doing is enough but somehow people are doing more than you. So you worry. You stress. And for what?

Eugenia is right. At the end of the day, is going through the motions, getting a degree/job really as important as what you do in regards to God with your life? It would be meaningless if we don't have that purpose, that purpose of doing it all for Him.

Clara is right. "If He will bring you to it, He will bring you through it."

Without God, family and friends, I think my life journey might as well end. I know it sounds morbid, but honestly, what are you living for? I know grades are important but how we live our life is equally important.

My family is so important to me. I took this mid-sem break to really talk to them and even now, though I feel as if I need to study for the Torts test (no matter how sickening it's becoming), it's become second nature to just get home and talk to my sister. I believe it's important because she's going through her Os Prelims which does have bearing on her first few months in JC. We have dinner as a family and talk. My studying isn't for more than a couple of hours, because I simply shut off at 10 and go watch my TV but honestly, I feel more fulfilled than if I had spent loads of time studying.

When I was doing my As, I also realised that. The need to study must be balanced with your other priorities. And once your walk with God is right, I believe He will provide the rest and means of which everything else will fall into place.

Thank you Lord, for your glory and your grace.
Your love is beautiful.

YOU STUPID ASTON VILLA. HOW DARE YOU. EVERY SINGLE BLOODY SEASON (AT LEAST SINCE LAST YEAR) YOU HAVE DONE THIS TO ME. LAST YEAR AFTER 6 CLEAN SHEETS YOU SCORED TO BREAK OUR RECORD AND IN THE OTHER GAME YOU DREW WITH US, ALL THANKS TO LUKE MOORE. AND WHAT DID YOU DO THIS SEASON? WHEN MANCHESTER UNITED IS PLAYING LIKE THEY'RE ON FIRE YOU JUST HAD TO SCORE A GOAL TO FORCE A DRAW. AT STAMFORD BRIDGE. OUR FORTESS.

Okay. There. I'm close to getting it out of my system.

ManU better draw/lose. I'm giving Newcastle all my support with Scott Parker and Damian Duff, ex-Chelsea players to inflict the damage.

If not it's byebye to the top of the table.

I need a drink.

Online shopping is addictive. Stay away. I'm glad in some ways that I'm too fat to fit into very nice clothes because then I shall have to declare bankcruptcy. I will blog more later when I feel like hell hasn't warmed over. Do you know Liverpool lost to Bolton? Like?!

Armani Exchange Fall Season! Stupid shopping. In some ways being a girl is like... hard.

I feel like ranting somemore so I better stop here. STUPID ASTON VILLA. Chelsea you played very well. I shall say nothing about you. I blame only the other teams. Haha